I just cut my nipple shaving
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
