i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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