i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
