I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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