I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
