people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
