I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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