i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
