I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
