i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
