definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
