Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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