dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
