NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
