Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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