Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
