if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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