So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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