Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
