i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
