Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
