I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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