I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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