I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
