K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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