Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
