I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
