I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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