i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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