Apparently you make a good broom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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