they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
