OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
