What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
