Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
