I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
