why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
