Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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