just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
