I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
