Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
