He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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