Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
