It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
