Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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