He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
false alarm, still single
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
