I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
