Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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