I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
