First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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