My balls are so social today.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
